My Words of Truth
By Michea Danine
I was a “Tom Boy”
My entire life
Met a Boy and thought
I was destined to be his wife
Found shoes
And Dresses
Wore my hair long
Always to be what impresses
My heart was given- no longer something I owned
Our hearts were integrated
He moved in, our house was our house
Our Family, made it home
We danced, we loved
We cuddled at night
I was comfortable and cozy
Finally everything just seemed right
Just as happy as I could feel
Addicted to a love
I soon learned
Wasn’t real
***
He started to accuse me
Of things I didn’t do
He made me sad
Just to see me blue
He brought me up
To tear me down again
Blamed me for the roller coaster
We were riding in
I began fighting for perfection
Damn close to being near
That’s when he decided to leave me at a bar
For dancing with a so-called “Queer”
***
It’s so hard to breathe
When he’s shouting in my face
Doesn’t he understand?
I don’t deserve this!
His attitude is a disgrace!
I shake my head at the lies, girls and drugs
It’s not bringing up the past
If I’m not wanting to sweep it under the rug
We can’t talk
Because destruction is his addiction
Accompanied by constant inconsiderate infliction
Ignored by all
And always, free from conviction
***
I never willed the abuse into existence
And I didn’t “ask for it”, myself
I am good girl who wanted to be loved
Not to be trophy, that’s beaten
Then placed on a shelf
***
My heart still shakes and cries for him at night
Even though I remember,
He almost killed me
During our last fight
***
I can’t shut it out
But we can’t turn back
I am forced to make my heart stop
Turn my red to black
I want to yell
I want to scream
I want to wake up
From this horrid dream
I thought we were a team
But we are proof
Of just another statistic
You will go back… because so had I
Proving this type of love is completely sadistic
Denying so is nothing but a lie
***
But I have to fight it so hard
And remain strong
Calling my friends to remind me
That going back is nothing
But wrong
***
I can no longer let my heart control my mind
I have to take care and do me
And let it all heal with time
I am today learning to smile again
Finally able to breathe
Planting plants everywhere
As a way to grieve
***
But I wish I could erase
The bad he’s done
Wrap him in my arms
And let us overcome
***
Control is not something I have here
For that I am glad
But please convict him
For taking everything we had
Leaving me broken-
Bruised; Toyed with; Misused
Strangled; Abused; and Constantly Confused
I am grateful today, that on Mother’s Day
It wasn’t my face on the news
That my daughter can still look up to this woman
Standing before you today, asking for this man to pay his dues
Show no mercy for the men
Who love- than beat their wife
Don’t let him off easy, as he didn’t me
As I have endured relentless strife
***
The doctors, the lawyers
The phone calls, the bills
The hyoid still shifted to the left
To the pain relieving pills
The crying, the anger
The sadness, the fear
From love to endangerment
From hating to wanting him near
Please show this man
Sitting before
What it looks like
To sit behind a prison door
The type of punishment that proceeds
Hitting, slamming, slapping and choking
Kind of deeds
Make him work
And Make him pay
For all he did to me
Especially on,
Mother’s Day.