Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a term that comes originally from a British play called ‘Gas Light.’ In this story about a married couple, the husband tries to convince his wife as well as other people that she is insane. He does this by manipulating small things in her environment, leading her to question whether or or not she can trust her own senses. The word gaslighting, itself, comes from the fact that one of the things the woman’s abusive husband does is progressively dim the lights in the home. When the woman asks her husband if it seems darker to him, he acts as if nothing has changed. This causes the woman to wonder if she is, in fact, insane. 

Similarly, gaslighting in the modern sense is the process of trying to make someone believe that they are insane and that their sense of the world and of themselves is not to be trusted. 

This is a tactic often employed by abusers in an abusive relationship. By causing their partner or family member to mustrust themselves, the abuser makes an individual more vulnerable to manipulation and control. Because control is often an ultimate goal of an abusive individual, gaslighting is all too common in abusive relationships. 

If you believe that you are the subject of someone’s attempt to gaslight you, it may be helpful to write down your experiences so that you can validate yourself. Losing touch with your sense of self is one of the most debilitating parts of being in an abusive relationship. Taking back that power is an important step towards reclaiming your freedom.

If you feel that your partner constantly invalidates your feelings, observations, or experiences, you are probably experiencing gaslighting. Identifying this and acknowledging it is the first step towards making a change. Contact us or your local domestic violence resource center to get help quickly and confidentially.