Domestic violence survivors find a voice in Portland

Portland Press Herald
October 28, 2024

Download PDF here

The nonprofit Finding Our Voices provided a platform for those who have experienced domestic violence to share their stories. It was the first time the touring event has come to Portland.

Five panelists share their experiences of domestic violence with Patrisha McLean, center, at the Finding Our Voices event at the Maine Irish Heritage Center. They wear yellow to symbolize hope and shining a light on the issue of domestic violence. Sophie Burchell / The Forecaster

On the evening of Thursday, Oct. 25, 84-year-old Mary Lou Smith spoke to an audience in Portland’s Maine Irish Heritage Center about getting out of an abusive marriage of 43 years at the age of 65. Her message: it’s never too late to leave.

“Some people in their 30s, they feel their life is over. And so, whether you’re 18 or 85, it’s never too late to get out of the situation,” said Smith.

Many women in the audience nodded along to Smith’s story of domestic abuse at the event for Finding Our Voices, a Maine-wide nonprofit that works to break the silence on domestic violence. The event consisted of speakers, videos and a panel of five survivors of domestic abuse.

“My dream was to help one person I never knew,” said Smith, who lives in Scarborough and attends almost every Finding Our Voices event as the organization travels across the state.

Over the past two years, Finding Our Voices has facilitated conversations led by survivors of domestic abuse in communities across Maine. The speakers and panelists change between events, as survivors opt to publicly speak about their stories of domestic abuse. The Finding Our Voices Tour has also stopped at a variety of venues, including community colleges, on boats on Mount Desert Island, the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens and Biddeford High School. This is the organization’s first time in Portland.

The event arrived in Portland during October, which is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, as well as close in time to multiple domestic violence homicides in Maine.

Friends and family attended the event in Portland on behalf of Virginia Cookson, who was allegedly killed by her ex-boyfriend Richard Thorpe on Sept. 25 in Bangor. On Oct. 6, Lisa and Jennifer Bailey of Bath were murdered by Michael Bailey, Lisa’s husband and Jennifer’s father. Lisa Bailey’s best friend Kerry Smith spoke to the Finding Our Voices audience about her friend’s life and her death, which she called “preventable.” Between 2020 and 2022, nearly half of all homicides in Maine were the result of domestic violence, according to Maine’s Domestic Abuse Homicide Review Panel.

Mary Lou Smith shares her story of leaving an abusive marriage of 43 years. She hopes to show domestic abuse survivors that it is never too late to leave. Sophie Burchell / The Forecaster

Finding Our Voices began in 2016 as a photo project by Patrisha McLean, after her husband, singer Don McLean, was charged with domestic violence assault in Camden, a widely publicized story due to his fame. With the story in the public, what was once Patrisha McLean’s secret now led other women to share their similar experiences of domestic abuse with her.

“I thought I was alone, I didn’t know anybody else was going through it,” said McLean.

“After the arrest in Camden, so many women let me know they had been through it, too,” she said.

McLean photographed portraits of 14 local survivors and recorded audio of their stories of domestic violence. The art exhibit opened at Camden Public Library in 2019 and traveled across the state, spending four months at the Holocaust and Human Rights Center in Augusta. Once the COVID-19 pandemic began, McLean converted the show into a poster series that was displayed in participating downtown businesses. Finding Our Voices posters depicting survivors and their stories are now hung in storefronts in over 90 communities across Maine and show over 45 women.

Upon seeing the posters, so many women reached out for support that McLean said she saw a significant financial need. She founded the Finding Our Voices nonprofit in 2020, which has since distributed $275,000 to those in need of assistance in leaving an abusive environment. Finding Our Voices covers costs such as security deposits, car repairs, home security systems or gas cards.

“(Domestic violence) is so pervasive, but … for something that’s so pervasive, it really isn’t talked about much, and there’s not much in the budget for it, as far as I’m concerned. Women need a lot more money for services than they’re currently getting,” McLean said.

Finding Our Voices also facilitates online support forums for survivors of domestic abuse, an online book club, and advocates for legal reform to improve the rights of domestic violence survivors as they press charges.

At the Thursday night event, five women sat with McLean and shared their varied experiences with domestic violence. The panel highlighted the many forms of domestic abuse that are not always considered, not only physical and sexual abuse but also emotional and financial, between same-sex partners, at any age, and can involve children.

Westbrook resident Kerri Zabacki spoke on the panel, publicly sharing for the first time her experiences in two long-term abusive relationships. As a caseworker for the social services organization Preble Street in Portland, she felt compelled to speak openly about her personal experience as she helps clientele facing similar situations.

After hearing that she had missed the Finding Our Voices visit in Westbrook, Zabacki reached out to McLean to share her own story. McLean asked her if she would like to speak at the next event.

“I’ve been doing a lot of my own work in counseling and things like that, to get to a point in my life and my story, I felt it was time for me to step forward and to share my story,” said Zabacki.

“I felt it was time to go out and help others with this particular piece of my life and that I felt comfortable about going public,” she said.

Zabacki said she was unsure she would have anything to contribute to the conversation. She said that in abusive relationships, survivors can be filled with self-doubt. She decided to step onto the stage regardless.

“Am I worthy being up there? I’m still not sure. Do I have anything to add in the world? It’s one of those things we all worry about. It’s part of this finding yourself, finding your voice,” said Zabacki. “Do it anyway, even though you are a little scared. Bravery is a theme I feel, in my brain. Be brave for the good of the world.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and would like to talk with an advocate, call 866-834-4357, TTY 1-800-437-1220. This free, confidential service is available 24/7 and is accessible from anywhere in Maine.