EMOTIONAL ABUSE

The headaches were blinding and debilitating and were a regular part of my life for decades.

Once a month or so there would be an uh-oh moment when I could feel it coming on.

Extra-strength Tylenol was the only chance for some relief and for days and nights on end I would fix on the clock for the four recommended hours to pass so I could gulp down two more and be able to somewhat function.

Six years ago I was divorced. I can’t remember the last time I had a headache.

Emotional abuse is abuse. But I am taking that further to say that emotional abuse is physical abuse.

Emotional abuse is physical abuse because how can someone sustain the stress of being constantly put down, walking on eggshells to keep the peace, and being otherwise terrorized day after day after day and night after night, in what should be your safe place of home and by someone who knows you intimately and claims to love you, without it leading to physical effects.

I used to “play with my hair”.

That is how everyone who knew me referred to it as but it was actually yanking hairs from my head out by the root, and all the time. Trichotillomania is a “disorder that involves recurrent, irresistible urges to pull out body hair.” It was mortifying when a new hairdresser discovered the bald patches, and scary for my vanity when I thought about how quickly the hairs came out and how long it would take for them to grow back.

Six years ago I was divorced. I can’t remember the last time I pulled my hair.

I used to not be able to catch my breath.

Decades ago a doctor diagnosed this as stress-related and prescribed tranquilizers. He didn’t talk with me try to find out what was making me so nervous I couldn’t breathe.

In the fall of 2015, I hemorrhaged as if I was having a really heavy period, but I was post-menopausal.

I went to see my doctor and his office called and told me I had cancer, either cervical or uterine, and I was operated on at the women’s oncology unit in Portland.

This pouring-out of blood happened after about six attempts over as many months to leave, to save my life and sanity, then being manipulated back with sobs and threats.

Migraine headaches, loss of breath, losing hair, and then cancer in a body part that defines being a woman.

Time to stop minimizing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is abuse and often emotional abuse is physical abuse.